


After

by CatherineA



Series: After [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Lily Evans Potter Lives, Lily survives, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Nightmares, what if james's sacrifice saved lily and harry?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21589231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineA/pseuds/CatherineA
Summary: If she is completely honest with herself, Lily is grateful that she remembers almost nothing of the night her whole world was shattered.But she remembers enough, of course.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marauders & Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Series: After [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556722
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	After

If she is completely honest with herself, Lily is grateful that she remembers almost nothing of the night her whole world was shattered. 

She remembers enough, of course. She remembers James whining at her playing Christmas music so early in the year. She remembers being able to see trick-or-treaters from their living room window, and she remembers James getting up to answer the door. 

She remembers where he forgot his wand. 

She remembers a bit of the After, too. Crying out for Harry as Sirius easily and carefully scooped her up off of the floor where she had fallen unconscious in the nursery. McGonagall telling him to use the back door, and realizing it must be because of who she feared Lily might catch a glimpse of at the front. Everyone panicking, everything hurting, and Remus’s meaningless, repetitious words of comfort. 

She remembers enough to wake up screaming in the middle of the night from the memory of it, even weeks later, so loudly that the first time it had happened Sirius had burst in with his wand drawn, convinced she and Harry were in danger. 

But from the moment she wakes in the hospital the morning after the end of her world, she realizes she cannot recall what exactly happened to her family that Halloween. Dumbledore asks her question after question that she can’t answer, until finally Sirius tells him to get out. It doesn’t stop his questions from tugging at her brain and keeping her up night after night, even after she learns the basic facts. 

But there comes a point when the rest of the world begins to move on. 

She’s moved into Remus’s tiny flat until she can sort her life out again. Sirius is over often enough that he basically lives there, too. Harry is asleep, and the three of them have crowded onto his small sofa, Lily in between the young men, all staring vacantly at the television. A miniature Christmas tree glitters in the corner, the Potter family cat curled beneath it, and three cups of cold tea sit on the coffee table. Has it only been a few years since she refused to associate with the Marauders?

“You should get some sleep,” Remus tell her with a gentle nudge. She knows he is right, but she dreads it. She doesn’t answer for a long moment.  
“This is not where I ever planned to be at twenty-one,” she says finally. 

“Scared to sleep?” Sirius gives a short, bitter laugh as he says it. A bark. But she knows that while her nightmares consist of a screaming baby and a horribly brilliant green light, his depict the lifeless eyes of his best friend.

“Nah. I just thought I would be so much cooler,” she says quietly, the smallest of smiles gracing her face. Maybe one day it will be easy to joke again. 

“We only dreamed of being cool enough to hang out with Lily Evans,” Remus says seriously, but his eyes shine.

Lily laughs softly, and even Sirius smiles. “It’s true,” he adds. 

“I never thought about what an After would look like,” she admits, and suddenly she can’t meet either of their eyes. She isn’t sure what she’s trying to say. 

“I don’t think anyone did,” Remus assures her.

She does know what she’s trying to say. “I never thought I would be in an After that James wasn’t.”

Sirius tenses beside her, and she knows he is thinking not only of James, but of Peter, another unimaginable. She is relieved that Sirius didn’t go after him that night, choosing instead to stay with her and Harry. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement dealt with Peter, who still awaits trial. 

Remus gently takes her hand, and she is grateful. The Marauders have taught her a lot about friendship, especially in the past weeks. She closes her eyes and rests her head on Sirius’s shoulder. 

“We’ll stick together,” he promises her, so quietly she wonders if even Remus can hear. “All of us, and Harry.”

When she opens her eyes again, the blue light of the predawn is filtering through the curtains, and she is sprawled on the bed she’s taken over during these weeks, despite her frequent insistence she doesn’t mind the couch. Remus won’t hear of it, so he takes an inflatable mattress, and Sirius takes the couch when he stays. 

Sighing, she swings her legs over the edge of the too-large bed and peers into Harry’s crib. He is still sleeping soundly, clutching his stuffed stag to his chest. She exits the room, easing the door shut behind her. She pads through the den, careful not to wake Sirius, and starts a pot of coffee. 

It’s only when she sits down with the Prophet and forces herself to eat a piece of toast that she realizes it is the first night she hasn’t woken because of a nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in years, but in the middle of working on my original work for NaNoWriMo, this just came to me. I've always been fascinated by the Marauders and sad we don't see much of the development of their friendship with Lily. Let me know what you think!


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